Pass on the pizza

2 Sep

“Hey—I saw on ur fb that u went to pizza fusion. How is their GF pizza????”

The moment my brother’s text arrived in the middle of a workday earlier this week, I rushed him my reply: “Not very good. The crust has a weird, chewy taste . . . kind of sour, too. Why do you ask?”

I wanted to halt any possible plans to take his new girlfriend there on a date.

My boyfriend and I had tried our local strip-mall location of the chain, now in 11 states, on a lovely Sunday night this past summer. We’d both done some research first, and while I’d enticed my left-leaning love with facts about the company’s admirable environmental friendliness, he’d excited me with an even better discovery: The crust came from an out-of-state bakery, and I’d never eaten any of its products before!

I may never eat any again. While I did relish the normalcy of enjoying pizza in a bustling pizza joint next to my boyfriend relishing a delicious portobella grill sandwich, I found the gummy, bitter thin crust far from normal.

The additional $7 (if memory serves me) for that special crust brought my rather petite plain cheese pizza to $20. And even on my (probably final) return trip there with my mom a few weeks ago on “buy-one-regular-pizza-get-one-small-pizza-free” Monday night, the price seemed unwarranted. “Thursday night is ‘gluten-free night,’ so there’s no extra cost for the crust,” my helpful waitress had told me during my first visit, however. But after letting my final leftover piece languish in the office refrigerator until the cleaning service’s monthly fridge scouring this past Friday, I know better than to return.

The only possible allurement might be Pizza Fusion’s Fresh Homemade Brownie, which, according to the same helpful server, is gluten free. Served with amazingly rich vanilla ice cream, the brownie could almost transport an adult back to the chocolate birthday cake and ice cream of childhood. Alone, however, the brownie is puckeringly bitter and dry.

So I didn’t tell my brother about the dessert. He’s not much of a sweet tooth. And besides, enduring the pizza to get to the dessert is surely not worthwhile.

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